There's one more thing I noticed about dogs in Europe that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.
It wasn't actually something the dogs were doing.
It was something the people weren't doing.
They weren't constantly stopping to pet them.
Dogs were walking through busy cities, sitting at cafés, riding public transportation and going about their day...
And people mostly left them alone.
Even more interesting to me?
The owners seemed perfectly happy with that.
They weren't looking around hoping someone would notice their dog.
They weren't encouraging strangers to come over and say hello.
Their dog wasn't there to be the center of attention.
Their dog was there because they were going somewhere together.
And it made me think about how differently we sometimes approach dogs here.
“Can I pet your dog?”
If you have a cute puppy, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
You can't get ten feet without someone saying:
“Awww! Can I pet your puppy?!”
And because we're trying to be nice—and because we've been told how important puppy socialization is—we say:
“Of course! We're trying to socialize her!”
The puppy gets pet.
Then the next person pets her.
Then someone at the pet store pets her.
Then three people at soccer practice pet her.
And our puppy learns a very reasonable lesson:
People I see are probably going to interact with me.
Maybe even:
People are for me!
Which can be adorable when your puppy weighs 14 pounds.
It's considerably less adorable when your 65-pound adolescent dog is dragging you across a parking lot because SOMEONE IS OVER THERE.
Sometimes we create the behavior we eventually want to stop
This is one of the funny things about puppy raising.
We spend the first several months encouraging our puppy to meet everybody because we want a friendly dog.
Then adolescence arrives and we're saying:
“No, you can't say hi.”
“Leave them alone.”
“Stop pulling.”
“Come back here.”
“Four paws on the floor!”
The dog isn't necessarily doing anything wrong.
They're following the rules we originally taught them.
People have always been exciting.
People have always meant attention.
Why would that suddenly change?
That's why I want us to think a little differently about socialization.
Socialization doesn't require interaction
I've said this before, but it is worth repeating:
Socialization and socializing are not the same thing.
Your puppy can have a positive experience around a person without that person ever touching them.
They can see a child running and simply watch.
They can walk past someone using a cane.
They can hear people laughing at an outdoor café.
They can see someone wearing a hat.
They can watch a delivery person walk up the driveway.
They can pass another dog on a trail.
And nothing else has to happen.
Your puppy just learned something about their world.
That counts.
What if we taught puppies that most people are just...there?
Imagine if your puppy learned:
There's a person.
And then looked back at you.
Instead of:
THERE'S A PERSON!!! LET'S GOOOOOOO!!!
That doesn't mean I want puppies to ignore people or never enjoy affection from someone new.
I want them to have choice and context.
Sometimes we say hello.
Sometimes we don't.
Sometimes someone pets you.
Sometimes someone walks right past.
Neither one is a big deal.
That's a very useful lesson for an adult dog.
You are allowed to say no
This is sometimes harder for the humans than it is for the dogs.
Someone asks:
“Can I pet your dog?”
And we feel rude saying no.
But here's something I want you to remember:
You don't owe someone access to your dog just because they want it.
That doesn't mean you need to be unfriendly.
You can simply say:
“Not today, we're practicing.”
Or:
“We're working on walking past people right now.”
Or just:
“Sorry, not right now.”
And keep moving.
This is especially important if your dog is uncomfortable.
Sometimes we allow an interaction because the person wants it, even though our dog is clearly saying:
I'd rather not.
Whose experience are we prioritizing?
The stranger who would like 30 seconds of puppy cuddles?
Or the dog we're responsible for keeping safe?
Even friendly dogs benefit from learning this
This isn't only advice for shy or fearful dogs.
In fact, some of the dogs who need this skill most are the extremely friendly ones.
The dog who LOVES everybody.
The puppy whose entire body wiggles when someone looks at them.
The adolescent dog who cannot understand why the person across the street hasn't realized they're best friends yet.
Those dogs can absolutely still meet people.
But I would intentionally practice not meeting people too.
Walk past.
Reward a check-in.
Sit somewhere and watch people.
Let someone have a conversation with you without petting your dog.
Practice walking into a dog-friendly store without greeting everyone inside.
You're teaching:
I can enjoy people without needing access to every person I see.
That's a wonderful skill.
And sometimes saying hello IS the right choice
I don't want this to swing all the way in the other direction.
I'm not suggesting that nobody should ever pet your puppy.
Good experiences with different kinds of people can be an important part of puppy socialization.
The question I want you to start asking is:
Why are we having this interaction?
Is my puppy comfortable?
Does my puppy want to participate?
Is this helping them learn something useful?
Can they choose to approach or move away?
Or are we doing it simply because another person wants to pet the puppy?
That little pause can completely change how we approach socialization.
Your dog's walk doesn't belong to everyone else
This may be my favorite thing I took away from watching dogs in Europe.
Those dogs seemed to be allowed to just be dogs out with their people.
Nobody needed them to perform.
Nobody needed them to say hello.
Nobody seemed offended that the dog walked right past.
And because interaction wasn't the expectation, the dogs weren't constantly anticipating it either.
They could just keep moving through their day.
I would love to see more of that for our dogs.
Especially our puppies.
Give them good experiences with people.
Let them make friends.
Let them enjoy affection if they want it.
But also teach them that they can walk through a world full of people without needing anything from them.
Because a truly well-socialized dog isn't necessarily the dog who wants to say hello to everybody.
Sometimes it's the dog who can confidently say:
“No thanks. I'm with my person.”
And keep on walking.
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