I recently spent two weeks traveling through Germany, France and the Netherlands.
And because I'm a dog trainer, you can probably guess what I noticed everywhere we went.
The dogs.
There were dogs on city streets, at restaurants and cafés, on public transportation, in busy shopping areas and just generally going about life with their people.
But it wasn't simply that Europe felt more dog-friendly that caught my attention.
It was how the dogs behaved in all of those places.
They weren't dragging their owners over to meet people.
They weren't stopping every few feet because someone wanted to pet them.
They weren't losing their minds when another dog walked by.
For the most part, the dogs were simply walking confidently alongside their people.
They were part of the world without needing to interact with all of it.
And I kept thinking:
THIS is socialization.
Have we misunderstood what it means to socialize a dog?
When we talk about puppy socialization here in the U.S., we often focus heavily on interaction.
Meet lots of people!
Meet other puppies!
Let people pet them!
Take them places and let everyone say hello!
And then that puppy turns into a 60-pound adolescent dog who thinks every person they see is a potential new best friend.
Suddenly we're saying:
“No! You can't say hello to everyone!”
We spend puppyhood teaching them that everyone they see might be there to interact with them—and then adolescence trying to undo that expectation.
That's one of the reasons I've always taught that socialization and socializing aren't the same thing.
Socialization is not about creating a dog who loves every person and every dog.
It's about helping your dog learn how to comfortably and confidently exist in their world.
My trip really drove that home for me.
The humans were different, too
This may have been the part that fascinated me most.
It wasn't only the dogs.
The people weren't constantly trying to interact with them either.
I didn't see owners encouraging strangers to pet their dogs everywhere they went.
And I didn't see nearly as much of that automatic:
“A DOG! Can I pet him?!”
The dogs weren't out in public for everyone else's entertainment.
They were there because they were going somewhere with their person.
That's a subtle difference, but I think it's an important one.
A dog can walk through a busy environment, notice people and dogs, smell things, hear noises and experience the world without having to interact with everything in it.
In fact, that's a skill I would LOVE to see us teach more puppies.
Neutrality is a social skill
Imagine taking your puppy somewhere and having them think:
There's a person.
Instead of:
PERSON!!!! I HAVE TO MEET THEM!!!!
Or:
There's another dog.
Instead of:
DOG!!! LET ME GO SAY HI!!!
That's not an antisocial dog.
That's a dog who has learned that people, dogs, bikes, strollers, children, noises and activity can simply be part of the environment.
They can notice them and keep moving.
They can check in with you.
They can feel safe without needing to investigate everything.
That's confidence.
And it's one of the most valuable things we can teach a puppy.
Another thing I noticed: the training equipment
I also couldn't help noticing what the dogs were wearing.
During our trip, I didn't see a single dog wearing a prong collar, choke chain or electronic collar.
Not one.
Germany, France and the Netherlands all have animal-welfare laws that restrict or prohibit certain aversive training equipment or practices, although the exact laws and circumstances vary by country.
But regardless of the reason, the contrast struck me.
These dogs were navigating some pretty challenging environments—crowded cities, restaurants, trains, other dogs, people, traffic—and I wasn't seeing owners relying on increasingly forceful equipment to control them.
Mostly, I saw regular collars and harnesses.
And dogs who seemed to understand how to move through the world with their people.
That was a pretty powerful thing for this positive-reinforcement trainer to see.
So how SHOULD you socialize a puppy?
If you have a puppy, I'm not saying they shouldn't meet people or play with other dogs.
Of course they can!
Positive interactions can be wonderful.
But more interaction isn't automatically better socialization.
Instead, give your puppy opportunities to experience the world without always making them the center of it.
Take them somewhere and simply watch the world go by.
Walk past someone without saying hello.
Reward your puppy for checking in with you.
Let them watch another dog from a comfortable distance.
Walk through different environments.
Experience different surfaces, sounds, smells and sights.
Let your puppy learn:
“I can be here. I'm safe. And I don't have to interact with everything I see.”
That's socialization too.
In fact, I'd argue it's one of the most important parts.
Your dog doesn't need to be the life of the party
I've talked before about the fact that not every dog wants to play with other dogs.
The same idea applies here.
Our goal shouldn't be to create the friendliest dog possible.
It should be to help the individual dog in front of us become comfortable, confident and capable of navigating the life they're going to live.
For some dogs, that life includes lots of people and activity.
For others, it's much quieter.
The dog gets a vote.
After more than 20 years of teaching families about dog socialization, I didn't expect a trip to Europe to change the way I thought about it.
But it gave me a really clear picture of something I've been trying to explain for years:
A well-socialized dog doesn't need to interact with the whole world.
They learn how to comfortably live in it.
And that might be a much better goal for our puppies.
Better Every Day.
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